The Five Areas of Intimacy: Intellectual


Yesterday, I introduced the first of five areas of intimacy I explore with couples: physical intimacy. The second one is intellectual intimacy, the mutual sharing of ideas in respectful, nonjudgmental ways.

How do you and your partner carve out time and space for conversation? I've heard a statistic that generally people listen to about 30% of what they hear. And couples who have been together a long time have the ability to finish each others' sentences. That is beautiful. However, when you combine both of those in a relationship it can create a distance between a couple. You're hearing only some of only what your partner is saying and what you are hearing you're completing the thought for them. These can be effective skills when shopping, when parenting, and when making on-the-fly, general day-to-day decisions together. But they have no place in the interstices of a healthy, intimate relationship. Resist the urge and make an intentional effort to truly listen--with your ears, eyes and body--to your partner.

Not sure where to start? Try this: "What was something that surprised you today? Or, "What was something that you learned today?" And really listen.

Begin again,

{Image courtesy of Korney Violin.}